Monday, March 23, 2009

Hope for the unequally yoked...

Hello everyone.

It's been quite some time since I contributed, and I can't really explain that. I've been drifting.


On to the theme of this post.

I am an unequally yoked wife. It's tough sometimes. I love my husband and my family and feel very blessed to have them. My husband is a wonderful person, he is a loving husband and caring father, I couldn't ask for more....except just the one thing.

I have read "Power of the Praying Wife", "Torn between Two Loves", and various other self help books on the subject. I have gone through phases of praying unceasingly. Getting frustrated and giving up, and back to praying unceasingly again.

It's only been quite recently that I have studied my motives and asked myself what I was really praying for. Was I praying for a husband who sits next to me in the pew, like the other husbands at church? Or was I praying that when I get to heaven I want him to be there too. It's only in the past few months I have realised that I have been praying for the first reason. And I've been praying that for me. Not for him. But for me, so that I could feel I fitted in with the rest of the congregation.

There have recently been glimmers of hope. We recently watched Fireproof together and both enjoyed it and learned a lot from it. He asks me how my church meetings went and is genuinely interested in my answers. My church attendance is no longer a cause for conflict, it's accepted.

I can't presume to know my husband's heart when it comes to the Lord. He was brought up in a Christian home, he was baptised and confirmed and at the time believed in the Lord wholeheartedly. I don't know why that changed.

What I do know is that my husband is a good man. He is honest, kind, protective of his family, loving and generous.

I guess you are wondering what is my point? Well, I'm just saying that if you find yourself in this situation don't give up hope. Don't take it out on your spouse, or be tempted to nag, bribe or coerce them into coming to church with you. The best avenue is to pray, lead by example, and pray some more.

I have discovered that my husband has no problem with God. But he does have a problem with the church. He may never sit next to me in that pew, but I feel sure that he will join me in heaven....and that is what really matters.


Denise said...

Bless you for sharing your beautiful, very honest heart. I will pray for your husband.

sailorcross said...

Thanks for sharing, Sharon. Honest and open.

You're right--the important part is whether or not he has accepted Christ as His Savior--not where he sits on Sunday.

Since he is asking questions of you regarding your studies, etc., maybe there is a church that both of you would enjoy?

I'll keep praying for you and he!


Sharon said...

Praise God that he has excepted his Lord and Savior in his heart, really that is all that matters, but have you tried to maybe find a different church, maybe there is something there that he's not quite comfortable with. But too if he is asking about it when you come, does mean he's interested.
Praise God always and pray for him, I will also do the same for you!
Have a Blessed and Beautiful Day!

Kay Martin said...

Thank you for this wonderful honest post. My husband and I married and this was so important to me 40+ years ago. His idea of "Christian" was baptized and member of church with God in a God-box. I meant total devotion to God when I told him I was a Christian.

As crisis upon crisis came into our lives I grew closer to the Lord, but he drew further away from Him and the church.

I prayed, I believed and finally realized Peter was right..."without a word" God would shine through me to show Jesus to my husband.

He came to know Jesus as Lord within weeks of his death. But the transformation was so real and the repentance was so genuine everyone who was around him was aware of the Lord in him.

My children and I are blessed in knowing where he is. But God is showing me that our descendents will come into this earth with a difference because my husband is in Christ. Oh, the joy of knowing through this cross of suffering from being unequally yoked Jesus can reach your husband and your bloodline is forever affected by your sacrificial life.

The church is trying so hard to slow the divorce rate among Christians that many times I felt like a second hand member. The difference shown to couples and one spouse (without the other) or a widowed,single never married, or divorced person is painful.

The church I am a part of now does not make this distinction. But I realize most churches still do. When my husband was active in church I didn't notice it. So I realize the members are not so aware of this sense of being less than good enough unless you have a mate on your arm.

You have touched my heart. I so remember...and you're right about celebrating the goodness of your husband. Honor the priest of your household. Focus on all that he is and does that lines up with what God calls a man to be and what an honorable husband is in the eyes of God.

Your words are so needed by many women who never let anyone know about their aches and longings.

God bless you.

HisPrincess said...

Thankyou so much for your wonderful, encouraging and blessed replies. You have brought tears to my eyes!

In answer to your church was first my husbands. He was baptised and confirmed there. We were married there. It's a small community of people he has known and who he has loved all his life. They all love him too. They don't make me feel that I'm not good enough because I don't have my husband with me, that's all my own doing I'm afraid.

Perhaps we need to find a way to bring us unequally yoked partners together, to give each other strength, encouragement and to pray for one another.

Jenny said...

I just found your post, and was very encouraged. Thank you. I married a Christian, a pastors son, who is now going through a very intense crisis of faith. He no longer can call himself a Christian. However, he is still a very loving and caring man. We are in our early 30's and my biological clock is ticking! However, I want to raise children in a home with two believing parents. Could you give any insight into this, since you do have children. Thanks so much for your blog. I agree, we very much need a network of unequally yoked partners who can encourage and pray.

valerie said...

I too am kinda dealing the same thing. Me and my husband both were save together before we had children in 2003. We both strayed for some time and we have three children together. I have came back to GOD wholeheartedly and he says he wants the same, but is unwilling to take the steps to get closer. To answer the question about the children, it's very hard to set a good example and go to church and do the right things when your other half is not doing those things. Just like with my son, he's five and always asking why daddy doesn't wanna go to church and does daddy believe in GOD and I really don't know how to answer those questions. I beginning to question whether my husband ever really was saved, but I continue to live by example trying not to pressure him into anything. It's really rough though to live with someone who doesn't want all the things you want for yourself, your children and your future. I hope that helps with the children thing. I don't mean to discourage you at all, I mean children are great mine are 5,3,and 1 and they have been in church since my oldest was one and they know GOD and I know that they will be great kids.